Wretched and poor

Romans 7:24-25 "O unhappy and pitiable and wretched man that I am! Who will release and deliver me from [the shackles of] this body of death? O thank God! [ He will!] through Jesus Christ our Lord!"

Is it just me, or does anyone else feel like the wretched fools that we really are? When you wake up and wonder where in God's sweet name you have ended up...were you this broken all along or did you miss a sign that everyone else seemed to see and follow? I have wondered this many, MANY times in the course of the last three years, and I have come to the conclusion of this one thing that the Apostle Paul sums up perfectly in Romans 7:24 as he talks about the war waging between his flesh and spirit: "O wretched man that I am! Who can save me from this body of sin?" and then proceeds to thank God- because HE WILL!

For so so long I have striven to be perfect enough, holy enough, sane enough, faithful enough...or just plain ENOUGH. I have found myself  recently waking up in the middle of the night, heart pounding, mind racing, fighting tears and just wondering "am I okay?" Like a child who has tripped and fallen, scraped their knees and shins, stands up assessing their situation and wonders if they should cry-if they are okay- or just to continue playing.

I focus on my failures- my rage, my anger, my bitterness, my SHAME and I wonder- Am I okay? I look down and see that my clothes are torn, my knees and shins are bruised and bleeding-don't even ask about the condition of my heart! God- am I okay? Am I going to make it? Do you accept me even though there are remnants of bitterness? Even though I am judgmental and critical of others?

In order to make any sort of progress, we HAVE to accept who we are and where we are. There is some intense freedom when we realize how broken and messed up we truly are-we are prone to sin and failure on a daily if not hourly basis. Yet-Jesus says we are clothed in righteousness, accepted, wanted, loved WITHOUT condition. So how do we reconcile the polarity of our situation? recognizing that we are wretched and poor in our sinful nature, yet clothed in righteousness, redeemed, CLEAN and WHOLE? I think it is actually simpler than we make it- we just accept it. We recognize who we are and what we are prone to without Jesus, and at the same moment, we accept who we are BECAUSE of Him.

He is glorified in our weaknesses as we lean on Him. He makes us more like Him as we lean on Him. The devil wants us to waste ample time focusing on the wretched fools that we are when Jesus wants us to focus on who He is and who we are IN Him.

I write as if this is second nature to me- but the opposite is true. I easily reject myself and all that God says about me in light of my failures and this is something that I am definitely working to root deep in my heart. When I mess up as a wife or mom, my husband comes over and gives me a hug and what is my response? To walk away-to shun myself as punishment. Think about it- if the enemy can get us to think about how awful we are, if he can get us to reject the gift that has been freely given, then our foundation is going to be on sinking sand- because we can count on nothing other than the redeeming, perfect, unconditional love of God!